I spent all day yesterday walking around, catching glimpses of my reflection in shiny surfaces and thinking, “Ugh-blech-blurgh.” But then I remembered that my #1 New Year’s Resolution is to enjoy myself no matter what I am doing. And since right now what I am doing is carrying around 15 extra pounds that seems to be very attracted to my mid-section and my ass, I realize that I am supposed to be enjoying this too.
And yeah, that’s right. I said 15 extra pounds. Boom! (She drops the mic)
So how do I go about enjoying my temporary post-holiday-weight-gain belly? Well last night I knew there would be vegetable soup with a side of vegetable soup for dinner, so in order to tackle the head game part of enjoying myself, I started with a good long look in the mirror. The kind they only write about in self-help novels. Then…I got real.
Here, to educate & amuse, is the progression of my thoughts whilst attempting to “enjoy” my overstuffed-self:
1) Oh man, that is really your belly.
2) Alright. That is your belly.
3) Could be worse.
4) Some people who look like me feel really good about themselves.
5) There was once a time when I looked like I do now and I felt really good about myself. Hmmm…
6) Hey, I’m not so bad, I’m just a voluptuous sexy zaftig woman right now instead of what I look like when I’m not carrying a New Year’s Eve Ben & Jerry lovechild. Not bad at all. Heh heh. Zaftig is a funny word.
7) Actually, I would go so far to say I think I look good in both instances. In-shape and overflowing.
8) I am one sexy sexy zaftig (heh heh) woah-man!
9) Zoom! Baht-baht-baaahhh zoom zoom! (These are the sounds in my head when I’m dancing like it’s 1992 and I just got my big break on In Living Color.)
10) I’m sexy and I know it! Ahhhh! I work out!
When I got to the LMFAO part I realized I had gone too far. But it didn’t matter. It was too late. I was already enjoying myself. I was even enjoying the LMFAO song that was playing in my head. Double enjoyment of things I would normally hate! Double boom!
Please feel free to borrow my script if you need a little help enjoying your current shape. I’m sure your own mind will take over eventually and you might even feel the desire to dance.
Just do me a favor, and choose a better song.