I sit on a plane destined for London then Rome. We got the seats with the extra leg room at the front of coach. My tiny TV is broken. I forgot to download movies onto my fancy new iPad. I have been reading all about Rome and making connections as I compare stories that friends have told me about their travels with the guide book on my Kindle App. But now it is time for a break. So I begin thinking about what I’m leaving behind and what I’m moving toward.
You may have noticed a blog silence from me over the past few weeks. I have no explanation other than that I had nothing new to say. Every time I sat down to write, I found myself repeating sentiments from previous entries or without any thoughts at all. Nothing was going on. Well, what was going on is that I was waiting on other people. Waiting for responses, for meetings that kept getting postponed, for inspiration. I mean I was bored y’all.
The worst/best part was that I knew I had a lot on the horizon. Besides this fantastic 2 week adventure to Italy, I have an impending construction project at home which seems to be holding up all other home projects like organizing “the room we shall not speak of,” and a short film in pre-production, which means lots of logistics, scheduling, and re-writes. Italy, new and improved rec room, and a film I’ve been writing for a year finally getting close to being made. I had a lot going on on paper, but nothing going on in reality. Because in reality I was waiting. Waiting and waiting and waiting. I knew that it would be unwise to stat a new project. I knew that the minute I did, my life would explode.
And then one day it did. Suddenly the people I was waiting on were available and I was taking phone calls at 10:30 pm on a Tuesday. Suddenly the boredom I had been feeling several days before turned to overwhelm. There was no balance in either direction. I went from bored to overwhelm in a matter of hours.
When I think back on the past few weeks I feel a wide range of emotions. I have been describing it to people as a rollercoaster. It was uncomfortable. I didn’t always know what to do next. Whether it be deciding whether to put the door to the rec room on the east side or the north side of the building, trying to sort out what my protagonist really truly wants or helping my husband figure out what he really truly wants from his job. I didn’t know what was coming next and it was uncomfortable.
But there’s a lot in life that is uncomfortable and maybe I needed to go through this weird period of time to show myself that I can handle a little discomfort. That I can make it through. Maybe it will help me when I’m trying to stick to my plan of eating gelato no more than once a day, instead of indulging my inner bratty child that wants what I want when I want it.
Truth is, I don’t know what the point of the past 5 or 6 weeks has been for me. All I know is that I’m on a plane on my way to Italy, somewhere I’ve wanted to go for almost 20 years. And when I get there I’m going to eat some pasta and then I’m going to go for a walk.
And maybe, that’s enough for now. Ciao!